Was I Jewish?
A Pre-Teen Boy Gets Clipped
Growing up in the UK I had seen a few another boys willies, mainly at swimming classes, but never a circumcised one. Then when I was about five or six it became obvious that I had a problem down there as I always seemed to miss the toilet and most of my wee would end up on the bathroom floor. I think Mum must have become fed up cleaning up after me (not surprising), so one day when I went to the toilet my dad came in and watched me wee.
My folks had a quick discussion and the next day I was down at the doctor’s surgery with
my trousers and underwear off and a strange man examining my willy. I can still hear him say to my mum “I can see the problem with this little fella, nothing that a good circumcision won’t fix. We’ll book him in to be done next week.”
With that I put my trousers back on and we left; nothing about what was to happen was explained to me and I remember trying to find out what circumcision meant. Mum wouldn’t tell me. All she said was that I was going to hospital “to be done”.
That afternoon back at school I handed in a note to my teacher, saying that I would not be at school next week as I was being circumcised. She smiled and said that that would be ok and that circumcised boys were much nicer and cleaner anyway. Wow! A week off and a kind word, this circumcision thing sounded great. I told my friends and no one knew what was about to happen, but they all wanted a week off school.
I could hardly wait for the following week to come around; my mum took me shopping and said I could have whatever toys I wanted, dad brought home some games that I had said I wanted for Christmas, which was months away. It was summer in England and quite hot. I guess I thought that being circumcised was like getting a visit from Santa... and like Santa the whole affair was a big surprise. Boy, did it turn out to be just that!
The big day arrived and we went to the hospital - a huge red brick building on the outskirts of town. I remember being very excited just like at Christmas. Once inside everyone made a big fuss of me, they were all so nice. I went off with a nurse and waved mum and dad goodbye, mum was crying but managed a smile and a hug before she let me go. In the ward there were lots of kids, boys up one end and girls at the other. To one side, a big communal bathroom, cold and sterile and no doors in sight. A nurse was bathing an older boy when I arrived and he didn’t seem happy about this but his arm was in plaster and he couldn’t wash himself. His bath was nearly over and the nurse asked him to step out and she would get a towel.
I remember staring at him, wondering how he hurt himself, when my eyes nearly popped out of my head. He had the biggest willy I had ever seen. It was nothing like the other boys I’d seen at the school swimming lessons and the end was like no other I had seen anywhere. Big, round and purple. He saw me looking at him, gobsmacked, and he smiled. I think he was proud of it. I knew I would have been!
It was my turn to get undressed; the nurse helped me out of my clothes and into the adjacent bath. Now I could really see the difference between what I had "down there" and this other boy’s... The nurse saw me looking and him grinning. She laughed out loud.
“You boys!” she said. “Always comparing size!”
“I’m Darren”, I said in a little voice. “What’s your name?”
“Daniel”, he replied.
I was still amazed at his willy.
“Did you fall off your bike?” I asked.
“No, off the shed roof and onto the patio. It hurt a lot, but it’s getting better.”
The nurse started to put on his pajama jacket. His willy was still visible and I was still in awe.
“What’s the matter with you? Are you sick?”
“ No I’m getting circumcised” I declared proudly, still with no idea what this meant.
“Oh, are you going to be Jewish?”.
I didn’t know what this meant, but the nurse did and she smiled at us both.
“All Jewish boys are circumcised when they are babies” she said “Daniel’s Jewish, just like Jesus. That’s why his willy looks different to yours. Your going to be circumcised this afternoon and then you’ll look the same as Daniel.”
I was so excited by all of this; I so much wanted to look like Daniel. Now I knew what circumcision was and now, as if by magic, this would happen right here in the hospital. Me, Daniel and Jesus - all with the biggest willies!
Without much ado I was soaped, washed and towelled down. Then, as if to tell the whole world, the nurse painted my willy and balls (in fact most of my "private parts") orange. I though this was great, not knowing that it was an antiseptic.
“There” she said, “now you’re nearly ready to be done.”
By then Daniel was dressed and was heading back to his bed.
“I’ll see you later, Darren... when you’re Jewish too!”
A male orderly came in with trolley bed. He took a paper gown off the bed and the nurse put it over my head. It was like a short jacket and did not cover my willy, which was great.
“I’m going to be circumcised!”, I said to the orderly.
“Lucky you!” he replied.
He and the nurse smiled at each other and at me.
“Isn’t he sweet?” she said.
Wow! Ever since I first heard the word circumcision, every adult I’d met had been really nice... The orderly lifted me onto the trolley bed, put a shower cap thing on my head and pulled a sheet up to cover me.
“We don’t want everyone to see your little snake now, do we?”
I didn’t mind, because I felt sure that soon it would soon be big and circumcised and I’d want everyone to see it! Lying on my back on the trolley, I was wheeled for what seemed like ages. I watched the hospital ceilings go by and laughed every time we bashed the trolley
through the doors in the corridors. I could barely stop giggling when we went through the last set of doors.
“Here we are in theatre” he said. “That’s the end of the ride. Over to you, doc!”
I looked up at the face of the doctor. He looked much younger than our family doctor and I liked him at once. There were also a couple of nurses in the room. One lifted the sheet off, took my hand and checked my pulse.
“His heart’s racing a little, doctor”, she said. “Nerves, I guess.”
“Don’t be nervous” he said. “You won’t feel a thing. You’ll be sound asleep soon.”
“I’m not nervous, I’m being circumcised today.”
He smiled, said that he would be circumcising me and asked if I knew what that meant. I remember saying that my willy was going to look bigger and different like Daniel’s and that I would be Jewish.
“My, you are a brave boy” he said. “OK, let’s play a game. Have you ever seen on the telly a spaceman with a mask on?”
“Sure, on Doctor Who!”
“Well we’re going to put a space mask on your face and soon you be back in the ward, tucked up in bed. When you
wake up you’ll be circumcised!”
This was exactly like Christmas. You had to go to sleep and there would be presents and a surprise in the morning. Sure enough, I
awoke to find myself in the ward. It was dark, so I guessed it must be night time. I laid there for hours with a dull throbbing from below and a
strange tent-like thing under the covers. I dared not move in case my circumcision had not arrived.
When dawn came I could see the sky changing from pale grey to a beautiful blue. The tent was still in the bed and I could now feel that I had no underpants on.
“How are you?” a voice nearby said. It was Daniel. “I saw them bring you back in last night but you wouldn’t wake up. Does it hurt?”
“Does what hurt?” I said.
“Your willy, stupid!”
Yes it did hurt; maybe that’s why they said I was brave. Daniel got out of bed and came over and pulled the curtain round one side of my bed.
“The nurse has has gone for a minute, can I have a look? I asked the nurse if you were circumcised and she said you
Wow! I could hardly wait.
“But how will I know for sure?”
“Easy!” said Daniel. With that he pulled his willy out of his pajama shorts. “If it looks like mine then you’re Jewish.”
With that he slowly lifted the sheet. I tried to sit up and found a shooting pain went through me. I could hardly contain my excitement as we both took a look under the covers. I was momentarily horrified as I saw a swollen lump of bloodied bandage where my willy should have been.
“Wow!” said Daniel. “You sure are Jewish now. That’s just how my little brother looked after his bris; he had a bandage on for a few days, but you’re much bigger than he was.”
With that 'knowledge' I felt really happy. Sore and groggy, but happy.
That’s it... that was my memory of my circumcision. It’s how I remember it to be - a bonding experience, a new friend, the promise of a good-looking dick and so many nice adults looking after me and telling me how much better it is to be circumcised. Daniel went home the following day and I never saw him again.
I needed longer than a week off school. I couldn’t walk for days but the pain eased, the stitches dissolved and I was the proud owner of a little cut dick. I didn’t get back to school until after the holidays and when I arrived back I was a different person. Even the teachers remarked how much more outgoing I was. We had three new classmates - two girls, Jenny and Ruth and Ruth’s twin brother Richard. Ruth and Richard are Jewish my teacher said "Does anyone know what that means?" I sure did but I never said a word. Richard became my best friend; we did everything together until I left England for Australia.
Darren (still in Australia)
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